Episode 64 - Desperado (1995)

It may be rainin' but there's a rainbow above you, you better let somebody love you before it's too late OR SCREW ALL THAT, WHO CARES ABOUT LOVE! LISTEN TO FILMSHAKE INSTEAD! It's the 4th of July, and we're talking 1995's Desperado, which seemed a hell of a lot cooler way back when the Eagles did their FIRST farewell tour, but now that they're on their 60th farewell tour, and Jordan and Nic are a lot older and wiser, does Antonio Banderas not aiming at anyone and still somehow perfectly bullseyeing bad guys who aim right at his chest and can't even hit him with shrapnel sandwiching a sex scene with Salma Hayek that plays like a parody of Last Tango in Paris still look cool?
Let's find out together!
Also, to hit on all of Robert Rodriguez' Mexico Trilogy (maybe we should have dropped this episode on May 5), we briefly talk 1992's El Mariachi and and even more briefly talk about 2003's Once Upon A Time in Mexico before engaging in a trivia battle that turns out even worse than 2003's Once Upon A Time in Mexico.
Now it seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table, SO QUIT RIDING FENCES AND LISTEN TO FILMSHAKE!

Music Featured This Episode:
"Back to the House That Love Built" by Tito & Tarantula
"Canción Del Mariachi (Moreno de mi Corazón)" by Antonio Banderas and Los Lobos
"Desperado" by The Eagles

Intro music - "If" by Broke For Free

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Letterboxd - Nic & Jordan
The Nicsperiment

Transcript

Jordan: Well, get out your guitar case and come to your senses. You've been out riding fences for so long now and you're back here with us for Film Shake. I'm Jordan. 

Nic: And this is Nic.

Jordan: Welcome back again to the 90s Movies Podcast, episode 64 covering, no, not that Eagle song, but 1995's Desperado directed by Robert Rodriguez starring Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek. 

Nic: You better let somebody love you before it's too late. 

Jordan: That's right. That's right. Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away? Nic, I'm curious if our... I don't know if you ever loved this movie like I loved this movie growing up in the 90s, but I loved this movie and we'll talk about if my feelings have faded or not, but I'm really curious what you have to say. And also what you have to say about the Punishment movie. I'm sure we'll cover this at the end of the show, but last time I punished you with Once Upon a Time in Mexico. 

Nic: That's right. We'll cover it last because it's chronologically last. You did a great job in the trivia last episode competing solely against yourself. I was impressed. That's right. 

Jordan: I remembered all those questions you've only asked 1000 times. That's right. 

Nic: That's right. And boy, oh boy, do I wish I hadn't done that, but I guess we'll get to that later. 

Jordan: Nice. My true punishment here on Filmshake for Once. 

Nic: That gives a lot more incentive to only talk about 1995's Desperado for as long as possible. 

Speaker 3: Oh, dude. Desperado, your pick. You know, we don't get a ton of these every year. So why'd you pick Desperado, buddy? 

Jordan: Like I said, grew up with it in the 90s. Remember having this on VHS, watching it over and over again. At some point I was a 12 year old boy who liked watching people get shot in like really ridiculous blood squibs come out of them. 

I don't know. Like, and I was a guitar player. I always thought it was badass how they'd open up the guitar case and just start firing off guns and grenades, especially like the dude with the two guitar cases and the machine guns and the rocket launcher. 

The other guy with the rocket launcher guitar case. Always thought that was ridiculous and badass. Now I watch this and I'm like, yeah, this is all very ridiculous. 

It's a very ridiculous movie. I did not remember how I don't know if uneventful is the right word, but like there's not really any plot here. There's really no story except for to set this up. Antonio Banderas and some unnamed woman who gets fridged in like the first five minutes of the movie, basically just to give him motivation to hunt down this man named Buccio. So this woman is killed like his his his great love who has no name in this movie. And then he's shot in the hand. And so he's basically just out for revenge to find this guy Buccio, who's like this big crime boss played by what's the guy's name? He was in that Harrison Ford movie we covered that I can't remember. 

Nic: Man, you're making me so angry, Jordan. 

Jordan: I made you watch this and what's upon a time in Mexico and I can't remember. 

Nic: It's Joaquin de Elmeida. He is, of course, Cortez in Clear and Present Danger, there you go, which came out a 

Jordan: year before this present Patriot games. That's right. 

Nic: So go to your son of a bitch. So he was doing a great job playing the slimy, but also so sensual bad guy in both movies. 

Jordan: Yeah, here he's he's not showing too great of acting chops. He's probably the worst actor in this movie. But yeah, I did not remember how loose this was on plot. It's basically him and Antonio Banderas hunting down this guy Buccio, who killed his lost love, and then he randomly meets some high act as he's walking down the street and she owns a bookstore. They fall in love. They have ridiculous sex. 

Lots of people are killed. Stevo Simi's in there for a minute. Quentin Tarantino's in there for a cameo. There's like a thousand cameos in this movie, which we will get to at some point in our trivia battle later. 

I have a little cameo fueled trivia battle for you. I also forgot how influenced this movie definitely is by Quentin Tarantino. Even that opening scene, if we just get into the particulars here, Steve Simi walking into the bar telling the story about the man in black, the El Marriachi, who shot up this other bar. 

He was this great big Mexican man and the shadows follow him and cover his face and all this stuff just the way the dialogue is written. And especially, of course, the over the top ridiculous blood squibs. All very Quentin Tarantino, 90s-esque Tarantino. What did you think about that? 

Nic: Well, should I tell you my experience with this movie before before we talk about it? Sure. This wasn't like a big thing for me. I saw it on TV, mid 90s ish. I came out in 95. I'm going to assume I saw it on TV in like 96 or 97. And I thought, yeah, that was all right. 

Selma Hayek is really hot. And that was pretty much it, Jordan. I didn't think about this movie again until you just made me watch it again. As for the opening of the movie, yeah, it's ridiculous. 

It's really good. There are a lot of things that just happen and there's not really a payoff or the payoff isn't very satisfying like this whole setup with Tarantino. He's got a really long scene. 

True to Tarantino. There's a lot of talking in this scene when he's at this bar and it all just ends up going to shit. The other guy next to him gets shot in the head to no effect. And then Tarantino a few minutes later just kind of gets killed accidentally. And that's it. He was just in the movie for that. It's only a 105 minute movie. It doesn't drag or anything. 

Jordan: I'll take issue with that, even though this is my pick. 

Nic: I was throwing you a bone there. Yeah, it is kind of slowly later in the second section. 

Jordan: I just forgot how like there's a lot of moments where they're quietly talking. I couldn't understand everything they were saying because the subtitles wouldn't work on the Plex I was watching it with. 

I was just like, I don't know what they're saying. This is like the scene feels like it's going on too long. There's nothing really happening here. And there's no real story to keep me like rooted in this character or like what's happening to this character. So, yeah, it was surprising for like what in my mind was this real action impact over the top like ridiculous movie 90s Rodriguez movie. It felt like it just kind of drug on and like nothing happened for a long time. 

Nic: Jordan, I have a surprise for you and a request. Now that you've said that, I'm going to assume that the kid gloves. I was going to kind of handle this movie with I can take off. But also I can confess to you. How many movies do you think I watched a prep for this episode, Jordan? This is me, Nic. 

Jordan: Well, I did tell you that this was kind of the second in a sort of trilogy, right? So El Mariachi was Rodriguez's first feature, real low budget. And then this was kind of his breakout, I'd say. And then you have Once Upon a Time in Mexico. So I'm assuming that maybe you watched those three, even though you said you'd watched only the two, I'm hoping you didn't watch like spy kids or go down any other rabbit holes with Rodriguez. 

Nic: Ah, OK. Of course, I watched all three movies. I did watch El Mariachi. I knew I was always going to watch it. Jordan, that's the best one of these three movies. And almost by a mile, if not for a really goofy ending 20 minutes, have you seen El Mariachi from 1992? 

Jordan: Yeah, I have. Honestly, I can't remember much about it. So I don't think that says anything great about my opinion of that movie. I definitely feel like there's images in Desperado that are iconic, that are more memorable, but as like a movie overall, I couldn't say it's any better than El Mariachi. Not like a well told story or like much depth or anything going on. I feel like, you know, Rodriguez is playing in that same Tarantino sandbox where things are heightened and ridiculous, but it's just not quite as sharp or catchy or funny. There's moments, but overall, it just feels like a goofier version of a Tarantino movie without as much of like the conversational heft, I guess. Yes. 

Nic: So my request is this, instead of doing a separate segment for the punishment film, for the Fallen Warrior film, can I kind of weave El Mariachi and once upon a time in Mexico, can I just weave in things about those movies into this conversation? Because Jordan, they're basically all the same movie, but just progressively worse. 

Jordan: I totally see that. I totally see that. And I think that I will allow that request. That's fine. 

Nic: Robert Rodriguez in general, I think he just hit the nail in the head. I've never really been a fan of his work. I do have a soft spot for the faculty, which I always forget he even directed that. From 1998, it's different from his first three films for sure. But I think that's a really fun movie. 

I haven't watched it in a long time. It was one of those movies where it's like, I'm the same age as these kids. And Josh Hartnett was really cool in that movie. So I remember digging that a lot. That's really the outlier for me. Yeah. 

Because like I said, I wasn't really impressed with Desperado. I'm sure that I'll draw some ire, which I've never done before as a podcaster. Never. I've really disliked Sin City from 2005. I thought it was absolutely ridiculous and just exploitative crap. The artistry of the visuals just didn't win me over past the problems that I had with the film, the little Grindhouse duo that he did with Tarantino, which again, like I'm not the biggest Tarantino fan, but there are some things he's done that I do really like a lot. 

I don't worship the man's work. I think some of his movies are highly overrated. But I mean, Pulp Fiction is a great movie and he's got some other ones that are pretty damn good. Grindhouse, the split that he did with Rodriguez, the Tarantino movie in there is so much better than Rodriguez's movie. It basically highlights everything you just said about Rodriguez. It's like sort of a light Tarantino without the thing that makes Tarantino movies when they're really hitting on all cylinders. Great, which is a great conversation in those movies. So death proof, just kind of crushes planet terror and Grindhouse, in my opinion. 

Jordan: Yeah, I would agree. I mean, I've really enjoyed the experience of Grindhouse. I remember going to see it in a packed theater and everyone was just really into it and losing their minds over this double feature. And to me, I always assumed that meant that was like a really successful joint project for both of them. But apparently, no, it didn't make a whole lot of money. It flopped. 

Yeah, it flopped. So and yeah, like I definitely have a higher esteem for death proof. Like even with the the schlocky Grindhouse bent to both of those things, it feels like the better made movie. 

Like just kind of what Tarantino always does or tries to do is like elevate that kind of genre and like bring his own half to it. But yeah, Rodriguez, I mean, I wouldn't call him a hack or anything. But no, no, I wouldn't either. He's yeah, he's just not on that same level. And I feel like he's definitely more hit or miss and he just doesn't have that same panache. I don't know what to say. It's just yeah, he's just kind of lacking in some areas. 

Nic: I'll tell you how he works best. He works best in a movie like Il Mariachi, where he only has a seven thousand dollar budget. The plot is basically just this guy is a Mariachi and he gets mistaken for this killer and this crime lord is trying to have him killed because he thinks that he's the other guy and that's the entire plot really. He meets this woman that he falls in love with that he's only around for a short time, which that's how Desperado starts off. It's flashbacks of her death, except the actor who's in El Mariachi, Carlos Gallardo. He is in Desperado is a different character. It's confusing as hell if you if you didn't know. 

Jordan: Character is the in Desperado. 

Nic: So he is one of his buddies at the end of the movie that has one of the brief cases. I mean, I'm sorry, not brief cases. And it's Tarantino right now. He's one of those two guys. So he's he's the Mariachi in El Mariachi and he's great, but it's a totally different energy than Banderas. He doesn't have that kind of sexy swagger. He's just this really likeable kind of clownish guy. I think he does a good job in the movie. I mean, it's just like schlock, right? 

Right. But at the same time, it's just like it's right in his will house like that trashy, cheap schlock that he really only does with that because it's the only movie that he had that small of a budget for. It works great until the end of the movie where there's an enormous plot hole where the main villain kidnaps his girl and he drives to rescue her on a motorcycle. And the plot point is that he knows how to get there because he's been there before. But Rodriguez, I guess, forgot that when he the guy was there before, he was completely unconscious. He gets knocked out, thrown in the back of a truck, brought there. The drug lord guy says, oh, that's the wrong guy. 

And as he's still unconscious, he gets driven back home. And then someone even makes a point to say the ranch is really remote. No one knows where it is. I don't even know where to find it. I need someone to help me find it. So they like go out of their way to tell you it's hard to find this ranch. 

But he just gets there at the end of the movie because Rodriguez forgot that he was unconscious when he had been there before. And I was like, I don't care how dumb this is. It's just so fun. The sense of place with Mexico, you and I, but we've been there twice together. It really felt like that when we were there. 

This is it felt great. I was loving the movie. And then that was dumb. I was like, dude, that's a big mistake to make. You really just needed an insert of him waking up on the way back on the truck and seeing where he was. That's it. 

That wouldn't really cost you any more time or money. And then they end is really dumb. His love is killed right in front of him. There's a pistol like 10 feet from him. The bad guys laughing hysterically at him for having murdered his lost love. He's surrounded by his armed thugs. And while they're laughing, they just watch him crawl to the gun and then pick it up and shoot the drug lord. And it takes so long for him to do it. The fact that no one would have shot him then is just like so insulting to your intelligence. 

But then Jordan, that issue right there is my biggest issue with Desperado. Stormtroopers and Star Wars are famous for not being able to shoot. But they're freaking Annie Oakley compared to everyone with a gun in this movie. Right. That's not Antonio Banderas. 

Jordan: I mean, it's almost comical like the way he does that here. Definitely feels on purpose in a way. I don't know. It's really strange. It's really strange because I get you. I do remember that scene from El Mariachi and feeling like that was just, yeah, that just kind of took all the wind out of the sails of that movie. You're just like, OK, this ends on a dud. 

This is really ridiculous. But yeah, there's a whole bar fight scene where Antonio Banderas, this is the second bar fight after Steve Bacimie kind of goes into where Cheech Marin is running this bar with this beer that tastes like piss. And there's Tarantino comes in for his little cameo. 

So when Antonio Banderas comes in, he's up against all these dudes with like a million guns, he just walks in with his guitar case and then they realize, oh, he's he's the guy with the guns in the guitar case. But yeah, it's like everybody who's shooting at him. Like he doesn't get hit once and he's just like dodging bullets and everyone's just like 10 feet away with a machine gun firing all over the place. And he doesn't get hit. 

And I think at one point he even just missed me. It's just like it's almost comical the way Rodriguez does it. It's like. He's making a point out of it. I don't know if he's like commenting on his previous movie, any critiques he got there, or if it's just like this movie is going to be so over the top and ridiculous. 

This character is so like larger than life and this Mexican Schwarzenegger or something. It's just ridiculous. Yeah, my wife was watching it with me and she was just like, oh my god, how can they not hit this guy? 

Nic: What is happening? There are moments where they're pointing the gun directly at his chest and fire and then the bullets all just hit at his feet. It's insane. 

Jordan: Right. But then when he shoots anybody, they literally fly like 20 feet back in the air. It's like the gun explodes and they're like a bomb went off. This guy is like flown up into the ceiling. Like, I mean, obviously it's over the top on purpose, right? It's doing all this kind of in a comic book fashion. Yes. 

Nic: I feel like if my range instructor watched this movie, he'd have a heart attack because the way that Vandera's handles the guns, he's not aiming at anyone, right? He's just flipping guns around, not looking at anything that he's shooting at, not aiming at anything. And then of course, he's hitting everyone in the head or in the chest like perfectly. 

Jordan: There's definitely a moment where he's like running on top of the bar and he's just kind of flinging the guns. He's got like two guns in his hand, like two pistols, right? 

And it's just like he's flinging them back and forth, back and forth, as if that were him shooting them in real life. I don't know. It just looks really silly. 

Nic: Yeah, man. It's so goofy. I remember thinking that was lame when I was, I guess, 15 or 16, whenever I watched this the first time. This time, I still felt that way. I felt the same. I felt the same watching this as I did then. I did enjoy watching the movie. It's just so dumb. It's just so dumb, Jordan. 

Jordan: I think you just got to go with it. At some point where my wife is watching this, I could tell she just thought this was really dumb and over the top. And I'm just kind of like, yeah, it's ridiculous. You just kind of got to go with it. You just kind of like meet it where it's at. This is what this kind of movie is. This is what it's trying to be. So it's no better or worse, I guess. I don't know. 

Nic: It's weird. I don't know. Can you remember what the plot is? I basically said 

Jordan: it like he there to avenge his lost love. So you have this bar fight. There's no plot, but there's just like these moments, right? So he's leaving this bar after the fight. Like he hasn't gotten hit once, taking on 20 guys. But then he's walking down the street and everything's in like super slow mo. And there's the henchman or one of the main villains like who was working at the bar, Cheech Marin, he comes up behind Antonio Menendez. He shoots him or like, yeah, he's, this is as he's walking down the street and sees Salma Hayek. You know, I guess she has a look on her face where he can tell somebody's behind him about to shoot him. So pushes her down and then he gets shot like in the side or in the arm. 

But then he ends up killing the guy. Then you've got Danny Trejo, the knife wielding Danny Trejo cameo here. So at least at least we get a little bit of Danny Trejo. What did you what did you think about that? 

Nic: I feel like the Trejo character is like everything that's good and bad about this entire movie. He's perfectly cast. He's very menacing, but also very cool. He's very unique and his get up and all his throwing knives that are just all around his body. But he comes to nothing. He comes to absolutely nothing. He is going to attack Banderas's character. And then he ends up getting stuck in an ambush. And then he fights against the people that were going to also kill Banderas, I think. And then he ends up getting killed by them. And then that's it. It's like, why was he here? What was the point of that? 

Jordan: Isn't that kind of a throwback to El Mariachi too, where it's like mistaken identity? They thought that he was the Antonio Banderas El Mariachi, but then they drag his dead body back to Buccio. And Buccio is on the phone with, I guess he keeps talking about the Colombians. He's in a cartel with them or something, or he's working with the Colombian cartel or something. But they describe over the phone what their guy looks like. 

And they're like, oh, tattoo on the chest, throwing knives. He's got money to make a call. I don't know. He was mistaken for the guy they're really after. And then it turns out in the end that Antonio Banderas is character, is brothers with Buccio. 

Nic: Which was really dumb. 

Jordan: Yeah, it was just like out of left field, like, okay, what was that? 

Nic: It felt like something you were doing on the playground. You just threw that story detail in there that that little flourish right before the bell rang. Right. And we're brothers. 

Jordan: What would be cool here? Yeah, it's just stuff like that where it's just like, not on the same level as like a Tarantino script at all. It's just really shoehorned in and random. It's just like, there's no build up to that. It didn't really have any any impact on the story either. 

Nic: Once upon a time in Mexico, the third movie in this, that was all Tarantino's idea. He told Rodriguez like, yeah, you got to make this a trilogy. It's got to be a trilogy like Sergio Leone, except about Mexico, it's going to be great. You got to do it. So he did. And it's not great. But Danny Trejo is in that too, Jordan, but he's just a completely different character, which confused the crap out of me. 

Jordan: Because you got the same tattoo, right? I don't know. Do they show the lady on his chest, the lady tattoo? 

Nic: Here's the thing. I have to apologize to Danny Trejo personally. I guess did on your next favorite movie podcast talking about Crow Four, which is a horrible, horrible, horrible movie. 

And he is in that. And I said that his tattoos look fake, but they're not fake. They're real. He has so many tattoos, Jordan. So I'm just going to assume that's a real tattoo he has, and that he always has that tattoo. 

I'll never doubt his tattoos again. It's confusing because he's supposed to be a different character in the once upon a time in Mexico movie. But Cheech Marin, who he didn't mention is a bartender in Desperado, and he gets shot in the head. He comes back, but he's alive and it is him. He just has like a patch on his eye. What? Which is insane. 

Jordan: That's weird. It's weird. I don't remember that at all. Yeah. 

Nic: And Jordan, just imagine the plots of the other two movies. But this time, since he was trying to do a Sergio Leone thing, he made Antonio Banderas's character Il Mariachi, a supporting character who's only in the movie for like 20 minutes. 

And Selma Hayek, whose naval is very prominent in the poster for once upon a time in Mexico, she's only in the movie in flashbacks for like five minutes. But then all these crazy machinations are going on with the Mexican government and all these people that want to seize power. But it's all really boring and nonsensical and has a bunch of dead ends. And it's like they took all the worst stuff from the other two movies and just amp them up to a million. And then like, I mean, I think we're in agreement. Look, Antonio Banderas is a great screen presence, right? Like, no matter how dumb something is, he's fun to watch, right? 

Right, for sure. So why would you think like, I tell you what, there's way, way less of him in this movie. And he's completely sad and broken because you find out Selma Hayek and his child with her died before that. The villain of this movie killed them. 

And he finally gets revenge in one of his guest spots late in the movie. I don't even know what I was going into. That movie sucks, man. I hate once upon a time in Mexico. 

Jordan: What did you think of the Johnny Depp character? Stupid. Isn't he like a blind, any blind like gunman or something? 

Nic: He gets his eye removed in the surgery because they apparently like people are stealing each other's identities just to make the movie dumber and more confusing. God, the makeup work is so bad. 

He loses his eyes. And they just took because it looks cool for like a second. They put like this coagulating like star pattern of blood around his eyes where they came out. It looks cool for a second, but then it just stays like that. 

And he's like sweating and stuff. And it just stays that way. And eventually it just starts looking stupid. 

It looks dumb. Yeah. And I can't even remember. I think it was a different character in his body by that point, but I didn't care a lot. So I'm not sure. But he's doing the bandera's thing from this one where he's able to shoot people even though he's blind. And they're just watching him as he shoots them, which confused me like every now and then they'd try to shoot him back, but of course they wouldn't be able to hit him. 

That sucks, man. That was the same summer that he had Pirates of the Caribbean, right? Johnny Depp I'm talking about. So it's weird how he had those two movies, one in this kind of established franchise that makes sense on paper that wasn't, it didn't flop, it made money, but no one really remembers it or thinks finely of it. And then he did a movie about a Disney ride, like a Disney world ride that looks so stupid. And that ended up catapulting him to like a transcendent level of stardom. So weird, man. 

Jordan: That is so weird. It's a weird turn for sure. I remember seeing both of these movies in the theater at that time. And yeah, I can't remember too much about Once Upon a Time in Mexico, other than yeah, I remember Johnny Depp looking stupid and I just hated this movie. I wasted my money to go see it in the theater. 

Nic: Yeah, because Desperado, which don't worry if you tuned into us and you never listened to us before, or if you have and you thought I want to hear more Desperado talk, we'll talk more about that. Okay. But Desperado is at least enjoyable in its stupidity. Once Upon a Time in Mexico is boring in its stupidity. So there's no reason to watch it. It's not fun, at least be fun like Desperado is. 

Jordan: Yeah, I mean, I even kind of take issue with that because there was definitely parts where I was struggling to stay awake or to pay attention in Desperado. But let's talk about some of the good stuff or just some of the those fun moments that we did enjoy. 

What do you got? I mean, I love Steve Buscemi, like straight up just the beginning of the movie as he comes in and his whole monologue little story that he tells. I love the whole energy that he has throughout this movie. Later when they're in the confession booths and he's basically just like, no, I'm out. Like, I can't do this anymore. Are you going to get yourself killed? 

No more blood laughs. And there's a little interesting touch there where they had like the light coming through the confession booth, like making a cross on both of their cheeks. I thought that was an interesting touch. 

Nic: That was a great visual touch. Yeah. 

Jordan: But you know, Buscemi, always good to see Buscemi in the 90s. Just bring in that bug-eyed energy. And like you said, Banderas, no matter how stupid or ridiculous the gunplay is, like you said, that sexy swagger, like my wife is watching this with me. And I remembered that she had told me a while back that she had a crush on Antonio Banderas growing up and she's like, I'll missed opportunity, man. If we would have gotten married, I would have been Keras Banderas. But yeah, I mean, Samohiak, I think she's very good looking, like a sexy presence. 

Obviously, this is what Rodriguez is going for. But she's fun, you know, like the kind of playful banter they have between each other. The bits that I could understand were fun. But yeah, there were a lot of moments where it's just like, they're talking quietly, not much was going on, you know, in these moments between the action. And I'm just like, trying to stay awake. You can't quite comprehend why this movie feels so slow when I thought it was just like nonstop action. 

Nic: Well, that's another area where El Mariachi beats Desperados is 24 minutes shorter. And a lot of the stuff that does kind of drag in this movie is not really there. And if there are any scenes where not a lot is being accomplished, there's so much personality and character in those scenes, I guess just from the low budget and the tricks that he had to do, which there's actually there's a great 10 minutes little mini documentary that he has on YouTube about making that movie and this movie that are pretty fun. 

But that's absent in El Mariachi. It just breezes along. It's just a breeze of a movie up into the stupid ending. But yeah, I mean, I'm with you there definitely sometimes where I generally have a no phone rule when I'm watching a movie. And if I'm watching that movie on my phone, then I'm not going to like browse and put the movie in a little window, right? But it was it was tough on certain portions of this movie. 

I just isn't really more of a Roger guess problem in general. I think that sometimes he is not sure how to get you invested in certain elements of his film. So it's like the machinations and stuff. If he tries to do like a layered plot where characters are doing different things that really aren't the protagonist, he doesn't do a great job of getting at least me invested in those things. I don't really care. And then he's also so flippant with death in his movies that when he kills off characters, I don't really care because even Bersimmy, I really enjoyed him. 

I mean, I always do. I thought it was brilliant to really start the movie with him talking about El Mariachi and kind of building him up before Banderis makes his appearance. I thought all that was really great. I like the confession scene. But then when he died, I was like, man, I feel nothing. But also mad. He was really one of the best things this movie had gone for. And now he's gone for no reason. Right. 

Jordan: Yeah, he gets knifed by Danny Trejo on the street. And then Banderis basically just has to flee as he's getting knives thrown into him as well. I do think it's a memorable scene. 

You know, that whole thing with Trejo, they've got the bulletproof limousine that pulls up with the bulletproof sunroof, but then he just jumps on top of the car and he starts throwing knives down into the limousine through the sunroof, which always stuck with me. But yeah, you're right. I think it's another thing watching this with Karris that she said it was the bloodiest movie with the least amount of concern that she's ever felt for any characters. And I think that's so true. It is so bloody. It is so ridiculous. Like so many people die, but it gets to a point where you're just like, like it's not presented in any way that you should care about like any of these characters. Even to the point where I'm just like, yeah, Selma Hayek could probably get like shot in the face right now and I would just not care. Right. 

Nic: It's a weird juxtaposition again with Tarantino with something like Pulp Fiction. There's a really famous scene in the car where a gun goes off accidentally and blows off really a tertiary character's head splatters blood everywhere. And it's not that you really care about that character at all. It's just the way that the build up to that scene and how shocking that moment is, but also how perfectly timed it is, it has an impact. Do you feel the same way? 

Jordan: Right. In that movie, there's also the impact of 10 or 20 minutes of them like trying to clean that up and like figure out what to do with that. Right. And I mean, it's one death in the moment and like about 30 minutes of the movie that's wrapped around that versus this movie starts and he walks into a bar and kills like 30 people and it's just like, okay, I'm desensitized for moment one basically to care anything about this world. I mean, not to say you can't have a movie like that where you're blasting off and lots of people are dying and you have an emotional connection still. 

I feel like that's a possible thing to maintain, but I don't know. It's just, I think it's with the comic ridiculousness that Rodriguez brings where it serves them in some places, but then in other places, like when the movie wants to get emotional or wants to really have you root for these characters, it still has that layer of goofiness to it where you're just like, I can't really get invested in this. And there's not really enough story or even character to get invested. You're just like, okay, here's Ben Darius. He's like this hot, sweaty guitar player guy who lost this woman that we don't even know her name. You know, it's like, I'm not invested in that. I'm not really invested in his revenge story because I don't really care about his character or this woman that died because there's not really much built into them. 

Nic: Yes, I hate to go back to Pulp Fiction again, but you made a great point there about how once there's blood all in the car and a dead body there, there's consequences. They have to get it cleaned up. And then they have to interact with this Harvey Keitel character. And this is really, really late in the film near the end where he plays that cleaner character where that character is so memorable. And that whole sequence, there's something really strangely uplifting about it. Like it just makes you feel good or it makes me feel good. 

Jordan: I don't think I've ever heard Pulp Fiction described as a feel good movie. or any aspect of a Tarantino is a feel-good movie. 

Nic: Well, when I watch that movie, I feel like you're going through it and a lot of negative things kind of happen in the middle of the movie, and then it gets to like, oh, what else could happen? And then the guy's head gets blown off and it's like, oh man, that happened. But then like, all these good things happen. It's like a cascade of good, enjoyable, almost like grace notes in the movie where things start working out for people. And it just feels good. I know, I'm with you. 

Like calling any Tarantino anything feel good feels weird, but there's nothing like even slightly comparable to that in any of these Mariachi movies, man. I just don't feel invested because it's so ridiculous. 

Jordan: I guess it's him working in these archetypes and the schlock going into that where there are these big grand gestures in these kind of larger than life characters. But to me, you have to pin that with something concrete, something unique and interesting. 

You just need a little bit more character and a little bit more story. I mean, he could still do this kind of thing in this like big grandiose, ridiculous register. But I don't know, there's something about Tarantino that makes his stuff. 

He makes really specific and unique. And yeah, the characterization is there. Whereas here it just feels like these really broad strokes, like you said, they just don't really go anywhere or do anything. They just kind of come up empty. Yeah, I hate that we're just kind of bashing all over this movie. I mean, it is what it is, though. 

Nic: Again, too, we're not like Tarantino acolytes. We don't like worship the man, but they are contemporaries and Pulp Fitchen did come out the year before this. So it just feels like an easy point of comparison, I guess. 

Jordan: Yeah, for sure. Well, was there anything else that you enjoyed about Desperado? And we talked about the ending of Edel Mariachi as well and how that was a letdown. What did you enjoy and what did you think about the ending here? 

Nic: I do like the setting. Again, I feel like it doesn't quite have the sense of place and the character of the setting that Edel Mariachi does. But it is there. I enjoy that a lot. I like the musical element. 

I'm a Los Lugos fan. Their cover, A Loaded, is a favorite of mine. I like them. So I mean, the music playing throughout the movie is good. 

I like Dire Straits, too. The music playing throughout the movie is good, so I can definitely compliment that. I enjoyed that. I liked that they incorporated the fact that Ben Darius really can play the guitar into the movie. 

So the scenes where he's playing even more complex stuff, that's all Ben Darius. That was cool. I enjoyed that. We didn't really talk about the sex scene. The sex scene definitely feels like if you got two virginal teenagers who had never had sex education and said, why don't you show us what you think sex is like? 

That feels like the sex scene in this movie. It's really, really goofy and over the top. Reading about it now, it was because Selma Hayek was uncomfortable, so that they could only shoot like two or three seconds of footage at a time and then cut. Pretty much did what they could do without footage. 

Jordan: Yeah, like she's licking on him, like on his chest at one point. And then, I don't know, they're just like straddling each other. And also the way it's shot where maybe that has something to do with it. They can only film for a few seconds, but it kind of like has that dreamy like slow motion fade in from like one shot to the next. And it's all just kind of like cut up and yeah, just the music going on, everything about it is like really over the top and ridiculous. 

Nic: You know what though, I do have to say this about Selma Hayek because I actually did minimize the window for the movie and start looking up things about the movie to keep my interest in the movie going. I didn't know this, Jordan. So Selma Hayek, yet she's from Mexico. She's half Lebanese, half Mexican. She grew up there, but then at the age of 12, I don't know if you knew this, she moved to Louisiana, Jordan. 

In fact, she studied at the Academy of the Sacred Heart in Gran Coteau, Louisiana, Jordan. Do you know where that is? No, where is that? That is in St. Landry Parish. 

Jordan at neighbor's point could be parish, where I'm from. She was right over there, dude. She was right over there, right across the Echafalaya River. I could have taken the Melville Ferry to see her. Of course, she's 15 years older than me and I wasn't even born yet when she started school there, but she was there, Jordan. 

Jordan: So close, but so far. Yes. In time and in space. Right. But yeah, man, I did not know that. That is interesting. Yeah, you brought up from Dust Till Dawn. I think she has more interesting things to do there in that movie. Definitely some iconic moments in the Teddy Twister Bar, also written by Tarantino, but directed by Rodriguez. Tarantino is also in that movie. 

So yeah, there's a lot of correlation there with her. Haven't seen that movie in a long time. It's due for a rewash. Maybe we'll cover it one day on the show. What do you think? 

Nic: I think so, but I'm not sure if you're good at like what you see. 

Jordan: Yeah, it might be the same situation with Desperado, right? 

Nic: Yeah, though you do have Tarantino's dialogue in that movie versus Rodriguez's dialogue in these movies. So there might be something there. I think we'll have to cover it. 

Jordan: I think it's an interesting case of movies that start off as one thing where that movie is basically these two brothers and they're on the run and they kidnap this family. And it's just this kind of gritty crime drama, like Brotherly Tale. 

And then they goes into a completely different register. So if you haven't seen that movie, I think it's interesting for that alone. I don't remember like loving it as a kid or anything, but just remember Salma Hayek, of course. It's kind of part and parcel with Desperado and Pulp Fiction, everything going on in the 90s with these two guys. 

Nic: Right. Was I supposed to say something about the ending? 

Speaker 4: Yeah, what did you think about that? 

Nic: So this was the part that everyone in, I guess, early high school was hyped about telling me about that it's seen the movie before I did, that he's got these two buddies that have a big machine gun and a rocket launcher, respectively, in their guitar cases. And it's really badass and really awesome. And the woman in the movie is so fine, you got to watch it. 

And I agree with them about Salma Hayek, who that's funny too, if you say like peak Salma Hayek, that basically is anytime from like 30 years ago to now, it is insane. I think she has to be actually a vampire. That's the only thing that makes sense, a tan vampire. 

Jordan: Well, I mean, we were just talking about from Dust Till Dawn. So that's right. 

Nic: I think that's her autobiography. I mean, the shootout at the end is all right. It's like all of a sudden the bad guys learn to shoot, but only to hit his two buddies. Right. 

Jordan: Yeah, somehow they can only hit those guys from not in Banderas. 

Nic: Because they get tore up. It is a fun action scene. Oh, and you do have the famous no look walk away from the explosion scene with Banderas and Hayek, where they're very briskly walking away, which was real. I didn't realize that I saw that in that little documentary that Rodriguez did, and they it burnt their hair. It burnt Salma Hayek and Antonio Banderas's hair because the explosion was right behind them. So props on them for not looking back or panicking. Yeah, that's a badass shot. Or maybe not props. I don't know. Maybe they should have ran away and panicked. I don't know. 

Jordan: That was the third cut. That was like the 20 second take or something. That's right. I'm bald, Rodriguez. I had to wear a wig for this last cut. 

Nic: That would be something if they were both wearing a wig. Those would be the best wigs in history if they were both wearing wigs. 

Jordan: Yeah, they do have some incredible hair in this for sure. Maybe it's all the heat burning up parts of their hair. I don't know if it was like a TikTok or a Facebook reel or something. It was like a barber. You actually burn someone's hair to cut it? That's apparently a thing. So I don't know. Maybe that just makes you more sexy if you get your hair burned. That smells like trash though. I don't know. That is weird. 

Nic: My wife used to do hair, and I don't ever remember that happening, but 2023 is weird. 

Jordan: Yeah, it's a specialty. It's not for everybody. 

Nic: Right. Did they eat the burned hair afterward? 

Jordan: I'm sure. That's probably the ritual. Like a placenta. 

Nic: 2023, why not? Like a placenta. They call it my skull placenta. 

Jordan: My skull placenta. Wow, we've derailed here. 

Nic: Well, hey, I also thought it was kind of dumb when he was just like, in Shaddle Bucco or Bucco at the end. That was kind of a call back to the first movie when he does that, and she's the bad guy at the end. And then you cut to the hospital where there was this kid that got hurt in the crossfire earlier, but again, it's just like everyone gets killed. There's a part in Once Upon a Time in Mexico, do you remember this, where Johnny Depp is eating at a restaurant and it's like, the food is so good, I'm gonna have to kill the cook. 

And then he just gets up and walks to the kitchen and murders him in cold blood, and then walks away. But I think you're supposed to like him? Maybe? I'm not sure. I don't remember that at all. He also kills a waitress who spills food on him, not for spilling the food on him, but for not leaving him alone whenever he says, it's okay, don't worry about it. So I don't know. 

Jordan: That movie's terrible. I'm so sorry. It's so bad. I had the ending here with Desperado. The whole brother reveal is weird. I already talked about my love for the rocket launcher guy with the guitar case. I do like how he flips it and he does his little kick. He kicks his foot out and he crouches. And I guess he just has like an endless amount of rockets in this case. I don't know. He fires off like five rockets. I don't know. You think you'd have to reload or something, but they're just in the guitar case, self-reloading rocket launcher guitar. 

Nic: Yeah, definitely looks really cool. It looks very cool. I remember thinking that when I was a teenager, like how many is he fitting there? How are they loaded in there? Does he have them like on a rail that's just like rotating around? I want to know what it looks like on the inside. Right. 

Jordan: Yeah. You get to see the insides of Bandaris' guitar case, which in comparison, I always thought was just a little lame. Like the idea of just like, oh, I've got this guitar case, but it's just filled with guns. And then he doesn't, I guess he mostly just uses some pistols. Just in comparison, you're like, why don't you make your main guy the rocket launcher guy? 

I don't know. I'm like dipping into more of like the schlock of Planet Terror or something, I guess. But yeah, I just thought it was way cooler to have a rocket launcher guitar case than just like a regular guitar case filled with guns. 

Nic: Right. He's got like a slotted off shotgun at points. But man, there's this thing that my brother and I used to hate back in the day when we would watch action movies and I'll forgive it in like a John Moomoo movie, I guess, just because of the stylistic nature of it. But he shoots every guy like seven trillion times and all his shots are like kill shots, right? Like all the shots are like in the hardened head, but he's just like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. He'll so he'll unload on one clip per person. Right. 

I don't know. I always thought that was dumb. Maybe it's cheaper that way instead of making him have to shoot more guys. If he just shoots the same guy a lot of times, it's cheaper. 

Jordan: Right. You don't have to show him killing as many people, but that's not the case with this movie. It does bother me too. Or it's just like, you're reloading like after every guy because you just all floated like 10,000 shots into one guy's chest. I don't know. Yeah, it just doesn't make any sense, but I guess that's just part of the ridiculousness that Rodriguez brings. 

Nic: Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I forgot what I was going to say. I think I lost too many brain cells thinking about that just now. 

Jordan: We are all now dumber for having considered this. But yeah, the ending where basically what they're in the hospital and then they Salma Hayek and Banderas go off together and he's walking what, hitchhiking down the road like he does in the beginning, but then she picks him up. He throws the guitar case away, then they drive away, but then they back up and he gets the guitar case back again. And you're like, wait, okay, for a moment there, there was maybe some growth of character where you're like, oh, he's found this woman who's like helped save his life by helping him move on from this life of revenge and murder. And he throws away the guitar case and you think they're going to drive away, but then they back up and he's like, oh, just in case it's a long way to wherever we're going. And it's just like, okay, this is the ending of this movie. 

Nic: I kind of like that. I remember liking it the first time I watched it back in the day. Yeah. 

Jordan: I remember liking it. I remember liking this whole movie back in the day. 

Nic: I like that part, but how I just thought of another plot thing I don't understand. Maybe you can explain this to me. So in the first movie, El Mariachi, the bad guy, Moko, he's the guy that killed his love. He's the guy that killed Domino. 

Jordan: Oh, she has a name in that one. Right. 

Nic: She does. Yeah. So Mariachi played by Carlos Gallardo. He kills Moko at the end of the movie. He kills him dead. So why does he want to kill El Buko again? 

Jordan: I don't know if this is necessary. Should we even consider this a continuation? In my mind, this is just a separate movie. It's just kind of like almost like an Evil Dead 2 where you're just revamped. It's not necessarily a proper sequel. It's just like a retelling with different actors in slightly different scenario. I don't know. 

Nic: Originally, I think Rodriguez thought, well, I had $7,000 before. Now I have $7 million, so I could remake that movie and make it more badass. And then again, I think Tarantino was like, no, dude, no, no, no, make it. You could make a trilogy. And this could be the middle part of that trilogy. So it should be a continuation. So then that just like muddles everything. Because it's like a remake continuation. I don't know. Remake-uation. 

Jordan: Yeah, that's weird. That's weird. And I think I saw Desperado growing up in the 90s. I didn't watch El Mariachi until the last couple of years. And that might have sullied my impression of El Mariachi where I'm like, ah, the main guy is not Bandera's. He doesn't have that sexy swagger. But maybe if I rewatch El Mariachi now, I'd appreciate it more having been kind of down by Desperado. 

Nic: I think you might. It has a lot of character. It's very brisk. There's not a lot of downtime. And the downtime is actually, it feels good whenever he's just chilling in Domino's apartment. The way that he shoots it, it just feels good. The movie obviously was shot very cheaply. It's got this grain that's really satisfying and just feels nice. I think you would enjoy it more than you just did not enjoy Desperado very much. Like I said, I think they go down in descending order. 

Jordan: Well, I might have to do that then. I might have to go back and rewatch. Moving on to our movie connection with our previous film, The X-Files. Fight for the future. 

Nic: Fight the future. No, you're fighting the future. I'm fighting the future. It's antagonistic. 

Jordan: It's bad future, bad future. You said you did a movie connection this time. So what do you got? 

Nic: Yes, wonder of wonders. I mean, it's the X-Files. So I have to do the movie connection. I can't slack off like I usually do. So we just covered 1998's The X-Files movie, a bridge between seasons five and six of the television program, The X-Files. The eighth season of The X-Files features an episode called Redrum where you remember Joe Morden from Speed? He was a counter-ease boss. 

Super cool. So he stars in this episode. Speed's Joe Morden lives his life in backward order. So his days are going in backward order. 

Like it's June the 7th and June the 6th backwards. And he's trying to find the culprit in his wife's murder for which he's been framed. Jordan, guess who the murderer is? Danny Trejo. That's right. Desperado's own knife throwing psycho, Danny Trejo. 

Jordan: Movie connected. Boom. Nice. There you go. I mean, of course it would have to be Danny Trejo, right? He's like the essential villain in everything. I don't know. It seems like he's type cast. In everything that he does as that kind of guy. 

Nic: one of the most lovable actors. I think if you pull people who know who he is, he would rape pretty highly on the likeability scale as far as his real life persona. 

Jordan: Right. Always likable. Always good to see him in a movie, no matter what character he's playing, but it's usually the same guy. 

Nic: Well, speaking of same guy, I meant to say this when we're talking about El Mariachi. He shoots the same stunt guy in that movie like a million times. Since he couldn't afford to get a bunch of stuntmen, it's like the same guy in like a mustache and like a beard and a wig, in with glasses. So pretty awesome. I did enjoy that. In fact, hey, what's your score for Desperado? And then I'll give my score for all three. 

Jordan: I thought I was going to go three out of five here, but I don't know if I can. I think I've talked myself down to two and a half out of five, honestly. 

Nic: Well, I think you talked me down too, because that's pretty much exactly where I was. But talking about it more, yeah, I think it is a five because I'm finding a lot of moments not memorable or even things that I liked kind of have a caveat. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to go five out of 10 on Desperado. 

In fact, I'm going to just deduct two points from each movie as I go along. So I'll give El Mariachi a seven. I was going to give it an eight. 

This is the perfectly executed garage movie, making it for seven K just being on the street. It had so much character. It was so fun. 

I loved it. And then that ending came along and it almost knocked it down all the way to six. But I just I keep thinking about the rest of the movie and how much I enjoyed it. And I'm thinking about it way more than Desperado and I watched them in order. So you would think Desperado would be fresher in my mind and it's not. I keep thinking about El Mariachi. So I'm going to give that one a seven out of 10 and then Desperado a five out of 10. 

Once upon a time in Mexico, I'm going to give a three out of 10. It sucks. I mean, when Bandaris is on screen, he's depressed most of the time. So really the only fun moments are the flashbacks with him and Selma Hayek. They are some really ridiculous, stupid stunts with them, but they're pretty fun and you still get that good Mexican flavor, though even that's reduced to he uses this weird like orange filter, yellow filter for a lot of it. So it kind of knocks off that more natural feeling of the other two movies. It sucks. Yes. So I'm going to go seven, five, three. Ouch. 

Jordan: Well, thank you for doing the homework there and taking the punishment. So I didn't have to. I think I will go back and watch El Mariachi at some point. So revisit that. 

Nic: Really good. And I didn't mention her, but Consuela Gomez, who you won't find a Wikipedia page for, but I really enjoyed her as Domino, the love interest. I thought she was really enigmatic and enjoyed screen presence a lot. I wish she was in more stuff. 

Jordan: Now, did she play the woman in Desperado that we see in flashback that gets killed? Is that the same actors? 

Nic: Basically, they just reshot her death scene, but inserted Antonio in the place of Carlos Gallardo. Okay. Okay. Just really sad. 

Jordan: Well, speaking of sad, let's see who's sad here after our trivia battle goes down. Hold it. 

Speaker 3: Pop quiz. Hot shot. 

Nic: I like my angle. I think I have a good angle. Another Seinfeld reference. So Danny, did I make a Seinfeld reference before? I don't think I mentioned it. Desperado just makes me think of Seinfeld, Jordan. It just makes me think of that stupid boyfriend Elaine had that was obsessed with Desperado. And he'd always look off into the distance when it came on. It was his song, but Elaine couldn't have a song. Only he could. 

And that song was Desperado by the Eagles. So there you go. Seinfeld. But Jordan, my trivia angle, I've got a name for it. It's called Danny Trejo. I barely know her. The gist of this is who is the leading lady in each of these Danny Trejo films? What do you have for me? 

Jordan: I've got from the movie quiz book that I got for Christmas. I haven't busted this out on you yet, but it has a section called Brief Encounter, The Best and Worst Screen Cameos. So since we get quite a few cameos here in Desperado, I thought this would be appropriate. 

Nic: Okay, that's cool. That's cool. Going on with another book. That's fine. That's my style here as we know. Let's do it. Let's see if there's fun as Fred Willard's questions. Rip. 

Jordan: All right. Well, here we go. Question number one. Robert De Niro made a memorably manic cameo as Archibald Tuttle and Terry Gilliam sweeping 1985 sci-fi classic Brazil. What was his vocation? A, paramedic, B, taxi driver, C, a heating engineer, or D, a bicycle repairman? 

Nic: Damn, you know, I loved Brazil in high school. I probably watched it 10 times senior year. I don't know if I watched it since the 90s. I think he was a bicycle repairman, but I can't quite remember. I'm just going to guess that. 

Jordan: That is wrong, my friend. I'm sorry. It was C, heating engineer. Because he comes through the ceiling or the floor in the pipes and everything that he's working on. 

Nic: Right. That makes sense. That makes sense. I was just picking something idiosyncratic. His death scene in that movie still haunts me where he gets eaten alive by paper. Yeah. 

Jordan: I need to go back and watch that. 

Nic: Here you go, Jordan. I just want to tell you, I've seen all but one of these movies and I know the answer to all of these. So, don't give me any guff about it. Maybe you'll get them all right. 

All right. In 2006's Sherry Baby, Trejo stars along with this actress who puts in a stellar performance as the titular lead character. Is it A, Penelope Cruz, B, Jennifer Esposito, C, Joey Lauren Adams, or D, Maggie Gyllenhaal? Was it Penelope Cruz? 

That's incorrect, my friend. It was Maggie Gyllenhaal. Let me just tell you, before I watched it, I wasn't a huge fan of hers, but she is amazing in that movie. I like Maggie Gyllenhaal. Really? 

I did after that. She's a recovering heroin addict who's like trying to get her life back together and she is just stellar. And dude, Danny Trejo, he's her love interest and he's a recovering addict. It's such a sensitive performance by him. It shows what he can do, because it is not like any other role that you would think of him playing and he is great. That really showed me how good of an actor he is. 

Jordan: I might have to check that out. Very nice. All right. Question number two for our cameos. Which acting powerhouse makes a rare early comic diversion to play the blind priest and Mel Brooks's loving 1974 spoof, Young Frankenstein. Was it A. Gene Hackman, B. James Kahn, C. John Voight, or D. Robert DeVall? 

Nic: Man, that's another one I haven't seen since high school. And I remember thinking, man, everyone said this is like the funniest movie ever made, but it's not that funny. Which just probably blasts for me. So I don't remember. I don't know. Robert DeVall? It was Gene Hackman. That's a cameo? I thought it was like a starring role. 

Jordan: No, no, you're thinking of Gene Wilder. 

Nic: Oh, damn it. I am thinking of Gene Wilder. Yeah, but it was Gene Hackman. Yeah, Gene Hackman. I failed. Failed. I have brought shame upon myself. 

Jordan: The whole house of loop has been shamed. 

Nic: I'm sorry. All right. We cover this movie, Jordan, so maybe you'll know this, but you didn't watch it. Only I did. In fact, I could say that's a most of the world. In 2005's The Crow, Wicked Prayer, one of the worst films I've ever watched for this podcast, Danny Trejo plays the father of Crow love interest, Lily ignites the dawn, who's played by A. Emanuel Cherokee, B. Tara Reid, C. Mina Savari, or D. Jennifer Stewart. Was it Tara Reid? Wrong. She's the antagonist in the movie, along with David Boryeans. 

It's Emanuel Cherokee, who has brown eyes and they keep referencing her beautiful blue eyes throughout the whole movie. What? What? Her eyes are clearly brown. 

Why are you gaslighting me? But there are a lot worse things that movie does. So. All right. Still embarrassed about not noticing you said Gene Hackman and not Gene Wilder. 

Jordan: It's okay. We can't all be perfect. All right. Let's go with this one. This kind of brings back some Seinfeld references too. 1992's Cameo Studded Hollywood Satire, The Player features a film within a film that climaxes with Bruce Willis rescuing Julia Roberts from Death Row. What's it called? A, prognosis negative. B, the other side of darkness. C, Rochelle Rochelle or D, habeas corpsis. 

Nic: Wait, you mentioned Seinfeld, which has Rochelle Rochelle, which Ben Midler is playing in. So, I don't think they would use that again. And I'm embarrassed to say I've never seen The Player. I'm just going to guess prognosis negative. 

Jordan: See, that's the one that I was thinking of for Seinfeld because they go to a theater at some point to see prognosis negative. But no, that was not the right answer. It was D, which was habeas corpus. 

Nic: Well, surely one of us has to get a question right eventually. Why not get this one right, Jordan? All right. In 2010's Machete, Trejo Starrs is the title character alongside this second billed actress who plays Luz, the taco truck lady. Was it A, Michelle Rodriguez? B, Rosemagowan. C, Maria Conchito Alonso or D, Amber Heard. Was it Rosemagowan? No, damn it. It was Michelle Rodriguez. 

Jordan: Ah, that was my first guess. Should have gone with it. 

Nic: That was the one I thought you'd really get right. 

Jordan: Yeah, it's all right. That was too easy. 

Nic: Yeah, it was Michelle Rodriguez. What's the next one? One of us has to get one right. 

Jordan: I guess first person to get one right wins here because this is just going on. 

Nic: I want to watch the punishment. We have a designated punishment movie for the next episode and I want to see it. 

Jordan: You'll have to remind me what that is. 

Nic: Our next episode, we have guest host and we'll announce that after the trivia battle. But his request for the punishment is the sole directorial effort by Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's called Christmas in Connecticut from 1992. It's a made for TV romantic comedy. 

Jordan: Wow. Okay, this is going to be an interesting episode next time. Let's do this. Let's see if you can get one of these right. Maybe just find one that's supposedly easy. 

Nic: Oh, that'll make it embarrassing. Just pick a random one. 

Jordan: Okay, random, random. The Spielberg directed film within a film that wraps up 2002's Austin Powers and Gold Member Katz Tom Cruise as Powers, Kevin Spacey as Dr. Evil and Danny DeVito as Mini-Me, who plays the suggestively monocled female lead, Dixie Normus. Would that be A, Kim Bezenger, B, Sharon Stone, C, Naomi Watts or D, Gwyneth Paltrow? 

Nic: I've never seen that. Never seen Gold Member? 

Jordan: That's the only one I didn't see. I was burning on it by that point. Yeah, I understand. I understand. I don't know, Sharon Stone. And the answer, Gwyneth Paltrow. That's dumb. 

Nic: Stupid Gwyneth Paltrow and your stupid vagina candle. 

Jordan: I think at this point we both lose and we're both going to watch this Arnold directed movie. All right. 

Nic: It's a total loss here at Film Shake. It's total loss. That was embarrassing. I am embarrassed. I'm not even tired. I can't even say, well, I'm really tired, Jordan. I mean, work has been a little stressful, but not stressful enough to excuse that poor performance. I can maybe blame Desperado for my lack of drive. 

Jordan: I think I finally just found questions that are hard enough to beat you, maybe. I don't know. 

Nic: Well, they're based on cameos in movies that I mostly haven't seen or haven't seen since I was a teenager, and I'm in my 40s now. 

Jordan: So there's no shame in losing here on Film Shake. I do it all the time. 

Nic: I should have gotten at least one or two of those right. And plus, I should have been listening more instead of kind of dozing away whenever you said Gene Hackman and not Gene Wilder. That was dumb. That was dumb. I feel dumb. Sorry, brother. I deserve to watch probably a worse movie than whatever. Maybe Christmas in Connecticut is terrible. I don't know anyone who's ever seen it, but I feel like I deserve something worse than that. 

But that's fine. So Christmas in Connecticut, that's our punishment movie for the next episode. That was directed by Arnold, which means Jordan, the movie we're covering, is one that stars Arnold. 

Jordan: What is that movie, Jordan? So we're bringing our good buddy Jackson Bourne back on the show as a guest, and this is his pick. He's also one of our patrons who's been supporting us. So thank you, Jackson. And he has chosen a movie that's near and dear to my heart that have been dying to rewatch Last Action Hero from 1993. 

I don't think you're a big fan of this one. I'm hoping on revisit. We will both love this and it won't be in a desperate situation again. But I'm looking forward to this. I hope you at least have a good time. I mean, it's Arnold, right? So how can we not at least have a little fun? 

Nic: Well, I watched this on TV, Network TV one night, and I thought it was lame, but Jackson is convinced that he is going to sell me on this movie. So I love John McTiernan in Die Hard's in my top 10. 

He's great director, and that's an easy movie connection because he directed Antonio Banderas. Cut this out so I can say it fresh later. Wait, I edit the episodes. Me, cut this out. 

Jordan: Well, I think it'll be an easy sell if I'm still high on this movie. And obviously, I think Jackson is going to be high on this movie. We're just going to pull you into loving this thing and just have a love fest here on Film Shake again, not this hater fest. We've just sent it into a desperate. 

Nic: A shocking hater fest. Before the movie, before I watched it, I thought, you know, I didn't really think this was that great beforehand, but maybe Jordan still likes it. So maybe it'll be like one of those where I'm not that high on it, and he likes it. But then as I was watching it, I thought, this really is not very good objectively, and I don't think Jordan's going to enjoy it as much as he did when he was a kid. 

Yeah, hopefully it's more of a love fest. I mean, hey, Michael Cayman who scored Die Hard and did the music for that, as well as a bunch of other really rad action movies. He did the score for this. I already bought it. It's on the way to my house. So I'm looking forward to hearing that, at least. Maybe I'll like the rest of the movie too this time. 

Jordan: Hoping so. Stick around next time for that. You can maybe track down Christmas in Connecticut and watch the punishment with this since, you know, we've failed and you just want to join us in our failure. 

That'd be great. So thank you guys for listening. Thank you for all our patrons who support us over on patreon.com slash film shake. If you want to get bonus episodes each month, you can subscribe there for a little as $3 a month. If you want to reach out to us, you can find us on Twitter at 90s Movies Pod. You can email us at filmshakepodcast.com. And that's all for now. We'll catch you next time for more film shake. Take it easy. 

Speaker 3: Desperado Why don't you come to your senses? You've been out riding fences for so long now. Oh, you're a hard one. But I know that you've got your reasons. These things that are pleasing you can hurt you somehow. 

Nic: Who wrote this tribute book so that I can get my letter bomb ready? 

Jordan: Mike's Micae Hill and Adam Lee Davies. 

Nic: Spotify my clip is for this. I think we made a COVID joke in our outbreak episode and they put a notice on our episode. For true COVID-19 information, go to the CDC website. I was like, why? Why are you doing this to us? 

Jordan: You're spreading the misinformation. 

Nic: I guess I should scrub that letter bomb reference. Terrorism is never okay. We're putting a notice here. 

Jordan: Is he got the same tattoo, right? I don't know. Did they show the lady on his chest, the lady tattoo? 

Nic: Here's the thing. I have to apologize to Danny Shreyho publicly. I guess start, I guess start. What a douchebag. Let's start this whole thing over.